My Teachers Come in Many Forms

It is the end of the week and I have not written anything for Monday.  Again resistance sets in.  Not sure how to continue from where I left off last week.  The size of the journey I embarked on was and is huge.  The volume of information learned and learning, seems endless.

It is fourteen years later and I am not sure how I got here or what comes next.  The blog is definitely part of it and yet I don’t know what it looks like.  I see in pictures and when I don’t have a picture, like now, then I am at a loss and dead in the water.  No movement as the horses would see it.

So I will tell the story of the mice who get into the mare’s mineral feeder.

I check horses every morning.  The mares live in the 153 acre meadow pasture in the winter and in the corner near the gate is a mineral feeder.  This feeder is heavy black plastic that stands a little over three feet tall.  In the top of the feeder are two depressions, one on each side, big enough to hold a 50 pound block of mineral.  The middle section is a deep well and like a well if you fall in you are not able to get out on your own.

Frequently mice get down into this well area of the feeder.  On Thursday morning this past week there were two brown field mice in the feeder well, huddled together in the right hand corner.  I asked permission to communicate with them.  They were not sure; their big concern was; was I going to kill them. I showed them I would keep them safe.  I asked them was there anything they wanted of me and they showed me a picture of grass.  Translated meant they wanted to be on the grass.  I did my best to show them my hand curling around them and lifting them out onto the grass.

I gently got my hands around the first mouse and lifted it out.  It jumped off my hand, stood for a moment, looked up at me then scurried off around the base of the feeder.  I reached in for the second mouse only this mouse would not let go of my gloved hand.  I rested my hand on the ground and finally it jumped off going as fast as it could in the same direction of the first mouse.

What the mice have taught me is they are not victims nor am I the great rescuer when they get down into the feeder.  It is a very humbling experience to learn this.  Life is choices for humans and mice alike.  For me to ask is there something they would like from me is hugely different then me assuming I know what is best for them and going into rescue mode.  My thinking I am rescuing the mice is not respectful of their beingness and it is me working from my ego.  This lesson has taken many encounters with the mice to learn.

The mice have helped me change my point of view.  If they make choices that land them at the bottom of the feeder it is simply that.  There is no judgment of them which ultimately makes them a victim.  Me not seeing myself as the rescuer takes me out of judgment and ego.  They show me the picture of grass and I become an elevator.

From their point of view if they die in the feeder and sometimes they do, that is what happens.   No big deal.  I am the one who made it a big deal.  For me to see the mice as beings in their own right with choices of their own to make has changed the whole picture for me.  It is a liberating lesson and I am thankful to the mice for teaching me.

Accepting and Learning the Job

Saying ok was the easy part.  Actually starting was a completely different matter. I found myself in a foreign country with no road map and no human mentor.  The animals became my teachers.  Every time I thought I needed to go to another workshop, after the first one, the horses would show me “you hear us clearly”.  From their point of view I got what they wanted me to know and it was that simple.

And so the journey began with me coming out of the closet and letting people know I could communicate with animals.  The Universe threw me in at the deep end.  I didn’t start with things like, what color collar does Fluffy want.  My first three cases were with critically ill animals and they all died.  I started out right away with what would become half of the work I ended up doing, working with dying animals.

The learning curve was steep.  The first big lesson was to understand I was using telepathy, that I actually was working mind to mind with an animal.  I could see their pictures and I have the ability to send pictures back.  In doing this I had to differentiate between an animal’s thoughts and my thoughts.  What did my thoughts feel like?  What did my emotions feel like?  There were times when I thought I was just making it all up and that I was crazy and delusional.

The next two discoveries were; I had to park my ego, and put my beliefs aside.  On ego; I could not take myself too seriously, if I did it clouded the work and made it not clean.  My beliefs did not count.  An animals belief system is very different from a humans.  I learned how very important it was for me to be a clear, clean vessel the animals thoughts came through.  Also, no matter what an animal showed me I was honor bound to relay that uncut, uncensored, unedited to the animals human.

The animals made it very clear to me if I did not tell the human exactly what that animal wanted their human to know, then the animals would stop telling me anything. They held my feet to the fire on this one.  This was not some la la walk in the park, the job came with a great deal of responsibility whether I liked it or not.

The fourth lesson was; animals do not communicate all the time.  Humans are like chatty Kathy.  I would find myself struggling not getting anything, thinking I was doing something wrong.  I was with a horse one day and working hard to get what the horse was telling me.  This horse turned and looked at me and bam I got it, he had nothing to communicate.  Animals don’t communicate all the time and I was driving this horse nuts pushing my pictures on him.  Animals only communicate when they have something they want me to know, period!  I thanked this horse; he gave me a gift that took a lot of pressure off me.

The next two pieces were; I had to be quiet in my mind and quiet in my emotions.  If I was in what I call “busy brain” I was not going to hear anything except my own mind.  On emotions, if I was in a highly emotional state, same thing.  And as I discussed several posts ago, I was slamming that animal with my emotions.

The last and most important lesson; to ask for an animal’s permission before I opened up to them.  I needed to be respectful of their being and I had no right to push myself on them.  I actually knew this at the very beginning.

I did not learn all these things right away.  It happened over a long period of time.  I was truly blessed with the animals I came in contact with; they were wonderful teachers to a sometimes very slow student.

Resistance Is Futile

It is Sunday night and here I sit.  I do not want to write a post for Monday, yet I made a commitment to do that.  I am resisting writing just like I resisted all those years ago in 1995 about doing the communication work.  Well let me tell you when the Universe wants something you can resist all you want to.  I have learned the hard way getting behind the program and moving with the nudges is easier in the end.

Between 1995 and 1997 I dug my feet in and did everything I could to ignore the communication thing.  When I came back from Canada the horses were particularly pushy with me.  The door had opened in my consciousness and the horses were not going to let me get away with not communicating with them.

My life was filled with horses and they would look at me and say “you can hear me”.  Actually I don’t really hear them I see their pictures.  That is how they communicate is in pictures.  Animals never forgot their telepathy we are the ones who stopped as we developed speech and writing our telepathy receded into the background.

For those two years I was bombarded by the horses.  They would wake me up in the middle of the night; I lived in a horse barn then, and let me know I could see their pictures and they were not going to be deigned.  It was like living in a psycho drama.  My head was filled with pictures, emotions, and sounds.  I did not know then how to damp things down to not get bombarded.  There were times when I really thought I was going crazy.  There was nothing in my growing up that prepared me for this.  Sane people did not “talk” to animals because animals don’t “talk”!

By 1997 I was exhausted.  Finally one day I said “enough, I will do it”.  I quit a very good job managing a small farm and went to Canada to figure it out.  My friend up there was the only person I knew then who I could talk to about this.  I then moved to a border town in Vermont and started letting people know I was doing communication work.  I had to distance myself from family and friends.  I was barely able to contend with myself at that time.

It was a tough time.  Believing I was not crazy was the hard part.  Trusting I was really communicating with animals and not making it up was harder still.

It was not an easy road and I was a slow to accept it was my road.  So ultimately resistance is futile when something is your path.

The Job I Did Not Want

A friend of mine who is following the blog called me and said the information is good and worth the read.  I told her I really appreciated her feedback.  She went on to suggest I needed to write a little about me to make it more personal for readers.  The idea did not really light me up as it is much easier to relay information about animals.  So I thought about it.

In the 80’s and early 90’s I was working professionally with horses.  I taught riding and did some training.  I really enjoyed what I did.  I loved watching people learn to ride and gain confidence.  I also felt the same when working with horses.  With both humans and horses I would see them struggle trying to figure out how to do something and then the light would go on and they would get it.  The look on their faces was a joy to me.  This was my work and it was all I wanted to do.

Our lives can change in the blink of an eye.  That is what happened to me in January of 1993.  I had a really bad accident with a horse and my right knee was shattered.  The Universe had a different plan for me.  I could not see it at the time.

The first thing I learned as I lay in my hospital bed with the doctor telling me my riding career was over is; life is choices.   I lay awake that night with my life in shambles around me.  I was devastated and felt very sorry  for myself.  Then I had this thought out of no where.  God did not get up yesterday morning and for the hell of it destroy my life.  In a flash I realized nothing is done to me without my permission on some level.  I saw I had a choice, I could feel sorry for myself and be a victim or I could see the incredible opportunity the Universe sent me.  I am so glad I chose the later.

1993 through 1995 were two tough years.  What kept me going was asking the question, what is the lesson today.  Riding became part of my physical therapy.  I was blessed to have the use of two wonderful horses who became my baby sitters.  I would scramble on board, was not a pretty sight, nothing like I had been and we would quietly walk miles of trails, no more cantering and jumping fences.  The gift of their care of me I treasure.

I slowly came back to life.  I started to see there was something different inside myself and I could not put my finger on it.  My awareness of things around me was clearer sharper.

In  the spring of 1995 I was invited to go to Canada for a workshop hosted by a friend of mine.  She just said come and I went.  It was a big deal as I had not been anywhere since the accident.  By the way there are no accidents.  When I got there I was told the workshop was on animal communication.  During the first hour I understood I had been doing this all my life and did not know it.  I would have what I called “knowings” about an animal not appreciating I was getting the “knowing” from them.

That workshop was the Universes way of letting me know doing communication work with animals was my new job.  It was a job I did not want.  No thank you very much!  I was going to go out in the world and tell people I could hear animals.  I don’t think so.

Sunny, cold, windy, last Sunday was a tease.  Mother Nature has a sense of humor.